Nothing Matters…And What If It Did

 •Accept the fact that some days you’re the pigeon; and some days you’re the statue.

•Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

•Always read stuff that will make you look impressive if you die in the middle of it.

•If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

•Always be nice to people on your way up because you damn sure will see them again on your way 
down.

•If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

•It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

•Never buy a car you can’t push.

•Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won’t have a leg to stand on.

•Since it’s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

•The second mouse gets the cheese.

•When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

•Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

•Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.

•A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

•Save the earth…it’s the only planet with chocolate!

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