The Bug Man Cometh!

Ever since my bout with stomach cancer some twenty years ago, I'm a guy who needs a mid-day nap.  Needn't be long;  twenty minutes is fine.  But it's my time.  I'm retired and when I get tired. I needs me nap!

I'm usually an amiable sumbitch.  Someone comes to the door, I'll usually answer it.  But I don't feel I'm obliged to.  It's my door, my property and my prerogative.  And, damn it, my nap!

So today, when somebody rang the doorbell, I just ignored it.  When it bonged twice more, I ignored it again.  And then the visitor starts pounding on the door.  Bam, bam, BAM!   



I can take a hint, too.  I dragged myself off my bed, stumbled down the stairs, opened the door and some guy I've never seen before is standing there with a big ol' shit-eating grin.  "Can I help you?" I mumbled.

"I'm the bug man," says he.


"You're the what now?" I replied.

"The bug man!  I work for your neighbors on both sides!  I'm the bug man!  I thought you might need my help!"

Finally figuring out what he's saying, I reply that I've contracted with Orkin for forty years.  I didn't bother to call him out for lying (neighbors on one side are dead, those on the other side get their Orkin treatment the same day I do).  He then wants to give me his sales pitch.  I get annoyed and let it show.  And he says, "Did I do something to upset you?"

"Yes!" I yelled.  "You didn't GO AWAY!"  And hurled the door shut in his face.

By now my daughter, who has also been trying to ignore the doorbell, is losing it, laughing like crazy.

And on the other side of the door, the hapless jerk is saying, "But I have a permit to go door to door here!"

So here's my question.  How do you feel about, how do you deal with, these door-to-door napwreckers?

  AlextheKay needs his rest!  


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