The binary trigger & other breaking news

Vocabulary
Plink (verb): to shoot at a can, bottle, human being, or similar target (OK, not human targets)
Happy stick (noun): described in the video


The binary gun trigger
The famous gun expert, 22 Plinkster, has produced a splendid 6 minute video about the new binary gun trigger. The binary trigger hit the US market on July 4, 2021. What could be more patriotic? 


Plinkster demonstrates this advanced technology from Franklin Armory using the Ruger PC Charger. The weapon he uses is a pistol (I think), but some ignorant folks might mistake it for some sort of assault rifle or other WMD (weapon of moderate destruction). The way Plinkster giggles after he unleashes happy vibes (9 mm rounds) from his happy sticks makes quite clear what a great technical advance in civilian weaponry this really is. 




As the Plinkster says, "It's not about the sights, it's not about how well I can shoot, it's about havin' fun."


The ANBA (American National Bowling Association) cracks down
After an inexplicable and huge increase in bowling scores beginning in 2018, the ANBA launched an undercover investigation to determine the reason. The original hypothesis was that some bowlers had chips embedded in their balls so that they could zero in on the pins at the end of the alley. That hypothesis turned out to be nuts. The culprit was hot wings that some bowlers learned learned about from a QAnon conspiracy about evil forces trying to keep this hot wings information from the public.

In response to this finding, the ANBA has declared hot wings to be a performance enhancing drug and they can no longer be consumed during official tournaments. The move was not completely unexpected. Previous research had shown that bowling balls would sometimes slip out of a bowler's greasy fingers grasp, sometimes causing injury when the ball would fly into a crowd of onlookers. The ANBA was considering this move for safety reasons before its discovery of the performance-enhancing properties of hot wings.


A disgruntled skydiver
A California man suffered some scratches and bruises when his parachute failed to fully open during a dive. His fall was softened when he hit the roof of a house. He crashed through the roof and landed in the kitchen. He complained about discomfort from the scratches and bruises, but was faintly aware that things could have turned out somewhat worse for him. Medical personnel are checking his head to see if it's alright.

In response to this bizarre incident, the state of California has opened an investigation into the quality of roofing materials in California homes. One official, speaking on condition of anonymity due to the sensitivity of the investigation, indicated that new laws might be needed to strengthen roofs enough to keep wayward skydivers from falling through. 

Posted by Germaine

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