The Simple Reason 90% of Men Are Lost in Life
Most young men are single. Most young women are not.
Your average American male in 2023 is chronically single.
Incels aren’t even a minority group anymore.
Almost 70% of young men are single whereas only around 30% of young women are, according to Pew Research.
Young men are officially in a crisis:
- Young men are single at nearly twice the rate of young women
- Labor force participation among men (25–54) has dropped by 7 percent in the past half-century
- Women are taking the lead in higher education, dominating bachelor’s and law degrees; 57 percent of bachelor’s degrees are awarded to women, and women receive the majority of law degrees.
- Men are significantly more likely to drop out of college.
- Young men commit suicide at a rate of four times more than younger women.
There is an invisible and emotional pain that young men carry. They are searching, yearning, and wanting to be seen and heard, yet they often feel they can’t fully express themselves. Life sucks — and they don’t know why.
Let’s get something out of the way: this isn’t about Men vs. Women like a cage match with a locked briefcase hanging above the ring. It’s about being on the side of human flourishing.
You can be pro-women and pro-men; it’s not a zero-sum game.
With that said, why is this happening and what can be done?
I found five problems.
1. The Rise of Lonely Men
It’s a very rare person who can be alone and stay sane.
For instance, if you’re introverted and suffering from anxiety or agoraphobia, it compounds the problem like a snowball rolling downhill. You not only think there’s something wrong with you, but that there’s something uniquely wrong with you.
These feelings, left unchecked, lead to a vicious cycle of loneliness and isolation.
“We’re in a crisis of connection,” Niobe Way, a psychology professor and founder of the Project for the Advancement of Our Common Humanity at New York University told The Hill. “Disconnection from ourselves and disconnection from each other. And it’s getting worse.”
If you find yourself bored with most conversations with people, you’ll quickly avoid them altogether. That’s a problem. There is a community of like-minded thinkers who are lonely and need some connection.
Moreover, men believe more than ever that their anxieties about talking to women, getting a job, and figuring out life are idiosyncratically theirs, when in reality it is a shared experience.
“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation,” as Thoreau wrote.
2. Finding Meaning When Your Job Feels Meaningless
Without a clear purpose to tackle, every morning can quickly become an existential crisis. Even getting out of bed becomes a challenge.
It doesn’t help that traditional office space is a thing of the past: in 2022, 26% of Americans are remote workers, which is four times the number who worked remotely before. By 2025 40 million Americans will have traded cubicles for home offices.
Work-life balance is dying.
It’s why some men unironically relate to Patrick Bateman.
He is lacking human connection, real meaning. Accepting his shadow self and evil desires did him no good; it did him nothing. He gets no catharsis.
Where is the sense of community, brotherhood, and belonging at work?
Where is the tribe?
The family?
It echoes something my friend in Florida told me after Hurricane Ian.
He said: “honestly, I felt happy after a hurricane came through my neighborhood. I spent every day outside helping out and doing a ton of physical labor. It felt gratifying and nice, honestly beats sitting at a desk scrolling through bait threads and trolls.”
3. Men Choose to be Incels or Psychopaths
Modern dating is a bitch.
Both genders know this.
Pew Research Center found nearly half of all young adults are single: 34 percent of women and 63 percent of men.
Here’s what I see: Many men either check out of women entirely (incels) or a small percentage of high-value men (determined by wealth, health, and success) date all the women, casually.
The problem is that successful men have no motivation to form a genuine relationship and this creates psychopathic behavior. Think Andrew Tate. You begin to look at all humans as casual playthings, which has led to the more toxic elements of the manosphere.
Men need leaders and guidance.
That is to say…the manosphere exists for a reason.
So before criticizing these guys — who many are cons, but some give uplifting advice — ask yourself, where are the positive role models helping men become better people?
4. The Timing of Brain Development
“The overall picture is that on almost every measure, at almost every age, and in almost every advanced economy in the world, the girls are leaving the boys way behind, and the women leaving the men.” — Richard Reeves, author of ‘Of Boys and Men’
Girls are:
- Almost a grade level ahead of boys in English and have caught up in math
- Achieving higher GPAs than boys
- Going to college at an unprecedented rate which has widened the gender gap more than 1972, but the other way around (13% gap in favor of men in 1972; now a 15% gap in favor of women)
Girls develop at a faster rate than boys, specifically their prefrontal cortex.
The prefrontal cortex is the “CEO of the brain” and tells you to study rather than play video games or watch Netflix. It’s also responsible for long-term planning and self-control, like setting goals or not being influenced by peer pressure. Women develop this faster than men, specifically in adolescence.
Women are also higher in what psychologists call “trait: agreeableness.”
This means women are more likely to form relationships and move up the current system, while men are riskier and more likely to drop out or be on the wrong side of the law.
Currently, there is an ongoing movement that many boys should be held back a year, which could solve the male crisis in many aspects.
5. No One Is Taking This Crisis Seriously
Or, if you do, prepare to be ridiculed or canceled.
That’s the problem.
You can’t blanket all men under the “toxic masculinity” frame and not expect them to spiral downward into a lake of fire. It’s like Joy Behar blaming the Ohio train derailment on Trump voters.
Why do you think they became Trump voters in the first place?
Because you kept calling them scum.
Sometimes I think the modern media (especially social media) is only here to make us hate each other like rabid animals. Even in my contentious city of New York, I can find common political ground with almost every person I interact with. Even the crackheads!
The point is this: we should all take a step back, examine the facts and not be so quick to condemn an entire gender. We can be pro-women and also pro-men.
Key Solutions
I have a few.
We have a dad deficit — one in four fathers live with their children. Good masculine role models are the key to success for men, especially young men.
Second, casual relationships should be discouraged. Not every man is meant to be this reticent Clint Eastwood figure. A relationship is an accomplishment. A family is an accomplishment. These shouldn’t be viewed as accessory items.
Thirdly, we need to discourage porn early. I’m not calling for a Holy Roman Empire where porn users are hung upside down from their toes, but teens should be equipped to understand that porn addiction destroys libido, relationship potential, and leads to dopamine desensitization.
Finally, we need the message that you can be pro-women and pro-men. This isn’t middle school, and this isn’t the “Hunger Games.” We’re all adults here and can treat each other respectfully.
These are just a few ideas, but this male crisis can be solved if we make the right choices.
Good luck out there!
Added commentary from Snowflake: being a young heterosexual - and particularly - white male nowadays seems like you are being labeled as "out of touch." The world is changing. Young men no longer rule is the message. If you aren't "woke" or accepting of the gay lifestyle, or are conservative, or complain too much about how the world doesn't respect you enough any more, then it's your own damn fault.
It asks above "where are the positive role models helping men become better people?" Good question. Have we collectively abandoned young men so that the Andrew Tates of the world come swooping in to fill the void?
Two other points on the above OP. NO, we shouldn't hold boys back a grade. Who the Hell thinks this is a good idea? Nothing like telling a boy he is inferior and pissing them off (and their parents) than holding them back.
And NO, you can't "discourage" porn. Kids will porn. Better to put much more into education, particularly sex education, to teach kids what the dangers of porn are and encourage parents to talk to their kids about the dangers of porn. Because nothing encourages a kid MORE than trying to discourage them about something. Don't smoke weed son, son will go out and smoke weed.
That's it: Now YOUR thoughts?
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